Theoretically

My new favorite word is “Theoretically.” (Just a note, I couldn’t spell it…had to look it up.)

I use this word to escape obligation and responsibility. For example:

Friend “Have you been writing a lot? Are you almost finished with another book?”

My reply “Theoretically.”

Translation: I have all my things out or maybe even in a bag to go somewhere. Binder, Chapter Chart, Pens, Pencils, Laptop, stickies, rough draft.  But the reality is I haven’t touched the stuff for weeks.

Another example:

Friend “I hear you switched to the whole food plant based diet?”

My reply: “Theoretically.”

Translation: I buy a lot of vegetables that sit in the refrigerator until they are kind of not-so-fresh and I try to think of ways to cook them without oil but me deciding to do this hasn’t magically made me a better cook, or a person who likes to cook, or even the slightest bit interested in cooking. And I can’t get Dan to cook the way I tell him, so we eat really disgusting things I cook or things he cooks which don’t exactly follow the rules of the whole foods plant based diet (Is it called WFPB? That would be easy to type but no one would know what I mean.)

Or

Friend: “I’d love to see you. Call me, let’s get together and go for a hike or something.”

My reply: “Okay, sure, that’d be great.”

My thought: Theoretically.

Translation: I am so lazy these days I really hate planning anything in advance and I just get up every day and say “What do I FEEL like doing today,” and although I love your company and you are fun to be with unless you plan something and call me and say “On this specific day at this specific time why don’t we do this specific event” then getting together is probably not going to happen. Not because I don’t want it too…I’m really that lazy.

Yep. I’m that shallow too. Theoretically.