Tales of the Elemental Goddesses

 

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Rosarita is tired of all these religious wars and the politics and the manipulative newscasts. She creates her own religion. One in which ALL the goddesses and saints and holy ones and powerful ones and fairies and anyone else you believe in work together to save the earth. But things don’t always go as planned, and The Great Creator calls a meeting of all the deities – STATUS CRITICAL. Will they be able to save the earth from the mishaps of four temperamental goddesses? Or will the residents of Earth cause the whole plan to crumble?

No matter what you believe in, you will find something in this story to make you spit, laugh, or groan as you join Flame, Tidal, Mulch and Zephyr in their adventures.

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Excerpt:

Flame was born in a gush of nearly boiling amniotic fluid.

“Yowch!” screamed her mother after only ten minutes of labor.

“What do I do now?” screamed her father as he caught the squawking infant. For of course there had been no time to make it to the hospital. Or even downstairs for that matter. Marguerite had simply fallen back onto the bed, dropping her neatly packed bag to the floor as her body wretched open and expelled her child.

(Okay, I know this defies the laws of physics or biology or some such scientific thing. But this is Rosarita’s religion, and she has never had a baby. Her idea of what happens is likely to be far from the truth. In reality Marguerite had been in labor and dilating but she hadn’t known it because she hadn’t felt anything. She had gone downstairs for a glass of milk, unable to sleep because of a burning in her gut. While standing in front of the refrigerator, drinking straight out of the carton—it’s okay to break the rules when you’re pregnant—a hot gush slid from her bloated body. Her water broke and she dropped the carton of milk on the floor and staggered back upstairs.)

Jonathan clasped the baby that had emerged from between his wife’s legs and gagged at the sight of the umbilical cord. This was not beautiful, no matter how much people tried to play it up. This was gross and bloody and slimy and he was a man who liked manicured fingernails and clean hands. Even now, in the middle of the night, after his wife had awakened him and said they needed to head to the hospital he had managed to put on a freshly pressed shirt and shiny shoes. Which were now splattered with this awful sneeze of the rapid birth.

“Quick. Get in the car,” he shouted to his exhausted wife. He held the bright red baby out from his chest, waving her around to emphasize the need for haste. That ugly umbilical cord stretched from the newborn to Marguerite like an astronaut’s oxygen line to the mother ship.

Marguerite was puzzled by the sound of a siren. “Did you call 9-1-1?”

“That’s not an ambulance. It’s this baby.”

Sure enough, the infant had a wail like a frantic emergency vehicle. Woo, woo, woo, echoed off the walls of the bedroom.

“Look at that precious mouth. It’s a perfect circle.” Marguerite was falling in love.

Jonathan raised the infant to eye level. His daughter’s mouth was a perfect circle. With a perfectly awful sound spewing out.

 

The art work for this book was created for the Placer County Arts Council’s “Outside the Box” fundraising auction. I used credit cards, found objects, paper, cloth and wood to create the Elemental Goddesses. Photos below show detail of the piece.

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cropped Zeph for bkmr

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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detail one

 

You can be a goddess or patron saint! Custom collage art by Robin. Send email for more information.Marin for booktwins for blog

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